Angel on earth.....

I'm not going to go all reflective and shit...I'm not...because I am adamant at this time that looking back on what has gone is not healthy 'cause it just makes you create assumptions about where you expect your life to go in the future.

So of late I have struggled to do what I want to do, and be selfish with what I WANT! Despite my stubborn streak I always have trouble to identify what I want from life... and no doubt I will never reach 100% selfish, it's just not in my nature.

I find it really hard to throw off the shackles of expectation and other's perceptions to move forward, and so I find myself constantly angry, irritated and intolerant. I would so much rather be smiley cheery mad moonchild.

On occasions when I feel disappointed in myself I try and think back to a friend. Despite the fact that she knew she wasn't going to be with us for very long, she showed each one of us part of her soul. She got dealt the joker in the pack and I never heard a word of anger, hate or disappointment come out of her mouth.

I guess you just had to be there when she coughed up blood during Bram Stoker's Dracula.
She fucking laughed.....and we did what friends do......we laughed with her......

She spent a lot of her energies in making sure that the adult contingent of our world didn't wrap her in cotton wool...and she always got her way. She knew how to be selfish because she'd already seen the future and wanted it on her terms.

And there are days when I miss her and how she reminded me of the feelings that were worth feeling.....she was an angel on earth.....she's still here.....having an impact on my life....making every day brighter and better.